Sometimes, while I am at work, surrounded by the many life-changing results of various accidents, I think about how easily the situation could be reversed. Here I am, caring for the people who had something happen to them that was out of their control, whether it be a car accident, a fall, a stroke, a worn-down knee, or something completely random like a tire blowing up in their face, and I know I could easily, and just as suddenly, be the one that is being cared for and not doing the caring. When I think about this, it doesn't depress me, but makes me realize that the only reason I am in the position I am in is because of God's grace. Nothing else. A lot of the time, I feel sad inside for the patients and their families, but I know that God has placed me here, in each of their lives, for a reason...that He has put me on this "side of the fence" for a purpose, even though I do not always see it at the present time.
How amazing is it that He uses us, His very creations, to touch others and to bring them closer to Him? I cannot even fathom this...All I know is that He doesn't need us, but He uses us because He loves us so deeply. The work He does through me touches me, and I think He wants that for me, and for each of us! I think He allows "us" to touch others, ultimately to touch us, as well. Oh, what love...
The grace that our Father has on us is absolutely mind-blowing, but then the questions comes: "why are these people here, and I am not?" "Why do You have grace on me and not on them?" "Why is this little boy's life changed forever, due to his injuries, while his peers move along, normally?" The questions spin in my head, at times, and that is where the fight is...
I don't understand many things about God. I don't understand His healing, or His reasons for allowing certain things to happen to some and not to others, or even His unconditional love. The only way I can work in the nursing field and not become bitter towards Him is by knowing and believing that everything He allows and does is because He loves us. I believe that He allows the people to be here, patients and employees alike, because He knows it is for their good in some way. I simply cannot believe that He would let something tragic happen to His own child if there was no hope of them growing through it, and closer to Him. However, I am not God, and I was not designed to know or understand these things! All I know is that he loves each of us; therefore He does nothing to harm or hurt us...right? Sometimes I wonder what is fact and what is learned/inherited opinion. Especially when it comes to Jesus. So much of what Christianity is about is based off of opinions and beliefs of our churches and families, and a lot of it isn't even written in the Bible. I hope to seek out the truth, all of my days, and never believe anything false about our Heavenly Father.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
You make all things work together for my good
Life at home....definitely full of ups and downs. After 6 months of 24/7 fellowship, community, love, support, encouragement, and the whole shabang, being home alone for 2 whole days seems terribly depressing. When I look at my actual circumstance, however, I realize that life isn't as awful as it seems at the moment. It is pretty pathetic, almost, that I get depressed after being alone for a couple days, when some people have NO one...EVER. Not even ONE day in the week. Maybe this is what God is teaching me over these couple of days...I am so fortunate to have what I have in my life: a loving family, a loving boyfriend with a wonderful family, a couple of awesome friends, a comfortable home...the list goes on.
Although I can see through this haze, I still don't "feel" any better, in the present moment. I'm sure everyone knows how that feels. I can see the breakage in the near distance, but I just can't clear the fog from my mind. Wallowing in my loneliness, wishing Sam wasn't gone for a week, wishing my parents were home, wishing I had someone here with me right now...it all is rather daunting! Sounds silly, I'm sure, to anyone who reads this. Like I said, many people have much greater worries and sorrows in their lives right now than being alone for a few days!
Life has never been the same once I returned from the journey of a lifetime. Nothing satisfies the way it used to...nothing is fulfilling when you do it alone...nothing matters more than being with people, loving them. For, when we love others, we love God. As I mentioned before, I was around the most wonderful people for 6 months straight. This group was loving, encouraging, supporting, and completely in love with Jesus. You just can't go from that to this...not without having moments of depression, as well as longing for that love and fellowship again. So, I consider myself "normal." It is "normal" to long to be with those people in your life who build you up, make you stronger in the Lord, and challenge your ways and thoughts. It is "normal" to be bored with the way of home life after traveling half way around the world to Israel and Ethiopia for 2 months. It is "normal" to desire to be somewhere else- right now.
And so, I will attempt to be alone- not lonely! I will "allow" the Lord Jesus to do the work in me He is longing to complete. I will not sit here and allow these stinging daggers to bring me down, because, the truth is...I am loved. Whether people are here to tell me and show me, in this moment, or not- I KNOW I am loved. Not only by the people in my life, but by my Creator.
A prayer: Lord, help me to see what You see in this situation, and all others. Be with those people who either have no one in their lives at all, or who have no one who really cares for and loves them the way You love them. Lead me to people like this, Father. Lead others to people like this, as well. Let Your body rise up and comfort all who mourn, to replace their sadness with joy, to bestow upon them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. Let the sorrows and struggles of this world draw us all the more closer to one another. Use these things to strength the unity in the body of Christ. And, finally, I want to thank You, Jesus for allowing me to feel even a glimpse of what the true lonely feel daily, perhaps. Thank You for using this for my good. You make all things work together for my good, and I love You for that.
Although I can see through this haze, I still don't "feel" any better, in the present moment. I'm sure everyone knows how that feels. I can see the breakage in the near distance, but I just can't clear the fog from my mind. Wallowing in my loneliness, wishing Sam wasn't gone for a week, wishing my parents were home, wishing I had someone here with me right now...it all is rather daunting! Sounds silly, I'm sure, to anyone who reads this. Like I said, many people have much greater worries and sorrows in their lives right now than being alone for a few days!
Life has never been the same once I returned from the journey of a lifetime. Nothing satisfies the way it used to...nothing is fulfilling when you do it alone...nothing matters more than being with people, loving them. For, when we love others, we love God. As I mentioned before, I was around the most wonderful people for 6 months straight. This group was loving, encouraging, supporting, and completely in love with Jesus. You just can't go from that to this...not without having moments of depression, as well as longing for that love and fellowship again. So, I consider myself "normal." It is "normal" to long to be with those people in your life who build you up, make you stronger in the Lord, and challenge your ways and thoughts. It is "normal" to be bored with the way of home life after traveling half way around the world to Israel and Ethiopia for 2 months. It is "normal" to desire to be somewhere else- right now.
And so, I will attempt to be alone- not lonely! I will "allow" the Lord Jesus to do the work in me He is longing to complete. I will not sit here and allow these stinging daggers to bring me down, because, the truth is...I am loved. Whether people are here to tell me and show me, in this moment, or not- I KNOW I am loved. Not only by the people in my life, but by my Creator.
A prayer: Lord, help me to see what You see in this situation, and all others. Be with those people who either have no one in their lives at all, or who have no one who really cares for and loves them the way You love them. Lead me to people like this, Father. Lead others to people like this, as well. Let Your body rise up and comfort all who mourn, to replace their sadness with joy, to bestow upon them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. Let the sorrows and struggles of this world draw us all the more closer to one another. Use these things to strength the unity in the body of Christ. And, finally, I want to thank You, Jesus for allowing me to feel even a glimpse of what the true lonely feel daily, perhaps. Thank You for using this for my good. You make all things work together for my good, and I love You for that.
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