Rejection

Rejection. Why is this concept one of the greatest fears of them all? What is so special about man that we deeply fear being rejected by them? What will man’s acceptance really allow us to gain on this earth? These answers I do not know...yet rejection rules my life. I sit and wonder, often times, “What is wrong with me?” In my mind, there must be something wrong with me that people simply do not like. There just must be! Is it really so that we, believers, will be hated because of Jesus? I know the bible says this, but it is hard to believe that the only reason people reject me is because of Jesus...especially since a lot of the people are believers, themselves. 

Oh, what I would give for a day in the life of an outsider, looking in on me and my life. I am sure I would pick up real quick on the things that create distance between myself and others. I feel as if I am that “special friend” to no one. I am just the friend who is there when there is nothing else to do, or when something is wrong, and someone is in need of a listener. But, I have more to offer than that...I know I do. I long for a friendship with someone who loves and values me as I love and value them. It isn’t the same when it is your boyfriend, either.

I think one of my main problems is that I just care too much. I know God has made me this way for a reason, though...so I can’t figure out if I am supposed to change that, or if I am supposed to learn patience, to wait until I am older, when people in my life will appreciate that quality about me. When I tell Sam that I feel like people just don’t like me, he thinks it is beyond silly, because he just cannot see why anyone wouldn’t like me. Hah. As sweet and pure as he and his thoughts are, he is also naive to think everyone (or anyone) would feel the same way about me as he does. I am blessed to have someone in my life who is so fond of me, but I want more than just one amazing person, I guess...I want friends. GIRL friends. Girls who love me, and see the good in me. I know there are girls who love me, I’m not in total deception. I just want to be special to someone...someone other than my (wonderful) boyfriend and parents. I think most people may understand that feeling.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, of of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10) It is as simple as that. I cannot help but try to receive the acceptance and approval of man. It is a part of who I am. But, it is not the right way to think, or the right way to act. I genuinely hope and pray that I can live one whole day, seeking God’s approval, and not man’s. God, I know you can give this to me. Only You can give this to me. I am not here to solely please others, but to please You. I know it is pleasing to You when we love one another, but I do not have the right balance. Bless me with this balance, Father. Let me not become bitter and cold, but let me pour out the love inside of me, that You have given me. Let me be who You have created me to be, even if that means I will never be accepted in this world. Let me know that You accept me and love me, just the way I am.

Now, I see the light

"A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

Why is it that some of us seem to think people should always be nice to us, but we rarely consider how we are treating them? I, unfortunately, fall into this category. I am the first to victimize myself, and point out others for "treating me wrong," but, when I look back on the situations, I realize that I could have acted differently, as well.

You see, I have these standards...these expectations on people that are just...unfair. I expect to be treated a certain way; everyone being aware of me and my feelings, showing me love when I need it, space when I don't, and being more trustworthy than my own self. Ha. Writing it out sounds ohhh so much sillier than in my mind! Isn't it always that way, though? The enemy loves when we hold these feelings in, because we convince ourselves that they are logical and true...but once they are spoken out in any way, they come to the light. What beauty. "He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts." 1 Corinthians 4:5.

These false expectations have lead me to look to people for my happiness, joy, and love, when I should be looking to my Father in Heaven. I end up in the same spot, every time I begin relying on man and not Jesus. I end up feeling disappointed...sad...unwanted...unloved. You get the idea. All of these emotions I have are only there, I believe, because God is trying to show me that I will feel empty and unsatisfied without Him as my center. He is trying to show me that man will never fully satisfy those deep longings He has put inside me that only He can fill...no matter how wonderful the people are. He is the one that is supposed to be my best friend...the friend that is closer to me, and to my heart, than a sister or brother. How amazing is that? That He created us to long for Him in ways we cannot even understand, as humans?

Lord, I want to thank You for the feeling of emptiness, at times, because it always brings me back to You. It always makes me realize that I need You more than anything or anyone on this Earth. Help me to have more grace on people. Help me to be friendly to others, in the way I want others to be friendly to me. Help me see with new eyes, feel with a new heart, think with a new mind, and pray & worship with a new soul. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Do not cast Your Spirit away from me. Work inside me and through me, Jesus, all the days of my life. I love you sooo much.